Sunday, January 7, 2007

Saturday Night Live and Performance Anxiety

Last night, probably for the first time in my life, I watched Saturday Night Live from start to finish. I think the show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip piqued my interest in sketch comedy (despite the fact that I lost interest in the television show after about 5 episodes). The show helped me realize, though, how much SNL drives public perception (or does it reflect public perception?) regarding politicians and political issues, as well as makes some interesting statements about social problems. Because comedy's merit is judged primarily by whether it makes us laugh or not, it is often seen as whimsical. Perhaps, though, that is why comedy can have such power. It can disarm its audience more into accepting its message, whereas outright accusations put people on the defensive, immediately causing them to defend their prior point of view. Realizing that comedy is a watchdog of sorts makes it more interesting. Instead of basing my entire judgment of the value of a skit on whether it makes me laugh uproariously or not, I can also look for what statement it is making about our society. Above, I questioned whether SNL might drive public perception or simply reflect it. I guess after thinking about it more, it doesn't really matter. Even if it reflects perception, the comedy still solidifies the idea, creating an alliance of like minds.

In any case, that was not the observation I wanted to make about watching SNL. I guess I just wanted to explain why out of the blue, I suddenly watched an entire program of SNL. And I must say, I enjoyed it. I was disappointed when I realized that the show was going to end with a performance by Christina Aguilera and Tony Bennett. They had absolutely no chemistry together on stage, despite the fact that they actually sounded pretty good. This is neither here nor there, though!

The observation I really wanted to make was about Alec Baldwin, who I think was hosting SNL for the 13th time (at least that's what he claimed). Baldwin is good, and he keeps getting invited back, because, besides the talent, he's very loose on stage. Perhaps that just comes with confidence in his abilities, but I think it also comes from not fearing that he's going to screw up. And I've noticed that about other people also. The good performers and speakers really don't seem to worry excessively about saying something stupid or embarrassing. But me, when I'm in front of people, have a tendency to be conscious of the fact that I could say something stupid at any given moment. Oftentimes, once I get up in front of people, I can kind of push it back out of mind, but later, I will review everything I said and wonder, "Did I communicate that clearly enough? Did I offend someone when I said that? Did I come across as incompetent?" The reason I was thinking about this last night is because I was absolutely wiped out from having been in front of people earlier in the day. We had orientation for our part-time MBA students, and the day really went well, and they really seemed to enjoy doing the team-building activity that I facilitated. And yet, as I sat at home by myself, all those questions started filtering into my mind, and I started worrying about some of the things I forgot to say, or how some things didn't come out smoothly. And I also soon realized that the primary reason I took a two-hour nap after getting back home is because being in front of people had sapped me emotionally. And every other time I'm in front of people, I get sapped emotionally. And it's no wonder I struggled to find strength at the end of a day of teaching to put together a plan for the next day quickly. I'd end up crashing as soon as I sat down for dinner, and then it was hard for me to get back to work right away knowing I was going to have to face a classroom of students again the next day. So then I'd have to sacrifice sleep, usually by going to bed early and getting up at some ungodly hour, like 3:00. The fear of not having a plan in front of a classroom, fortunately, would help me find the strength to work so many hours. But I never felt like I could get ahead. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

Somehow, some way, I've got to figure out how to be like Alec Baldwin, or anyone else who is a good performer. I know I'm not as talented as those people, but many of my friends find me engaging and entertaining, and yet, when I'm in front of a large group, I lose much of my engaging nature, because of that worry in the back of my mind that I'm going to screw up. In order to survive up there right now, I have to turn off my emotions, which, along with them, goes a level of my sense of humor and my ability to connect with my audience. I continue to volunteer to speak in front of groups, because I want to get comfortable doing it, but I've got to get rid of my coping mechanism. I need to learn how to be loose in front of an audience. I really believe if I can lose that self-consciousness, that I would be a fairly engaging public speaker, that maybe I could actually enjoy it.

So if anyone had similar fears, and has learned how to loosen up, let me know. I could use the advice.

1 comment:

Matt said...

Not that I'm an expert, but in my experience I think it's really a matter of learning what works for you. E.g., I just can't bring humor into a presentation without failing miserably. And, I've seen lots of speakers that have different styles that work for them.

First, you have to face the fact that someone like, say, Bill Clinton just has a natural public speaking ability that blows away most people. If your setting someone like that as your yardstick, you're always going to feel that you've failed.

Here's a link to some tips I wrote down from my experience. One of the most important things to remember is that you're competing for people's attention, so you have to try to figure out some way to start with a bang.